3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
