I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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