MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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