Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
