Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
