i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
