I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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