There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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