i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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