coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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