Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
