Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
