worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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