I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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