So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
