Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
