I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i already hear my dad disowning me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
