Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
