we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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