Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
