my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
