someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
