ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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