Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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