Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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