So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
