I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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