Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
