Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
