i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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