I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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