Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
