It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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