he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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