so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
