Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
