Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
