You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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