What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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