in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
