It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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