I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
