help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
