I think im going to throw up on grandma
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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