when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
