Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
