Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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