I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
