I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
