we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
