tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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